Never in all my life have I ever meant the words ‘good-bye last year’ as I mean it when I say it to the year 2008. I have never been one to like New Year’s celebrations, resolutions and all the loud and boisterous activities that go with welcoming in a New Year. I like to bid welcome to it quietly, reflect on past mistakes, achievements, gains and losses, within my own sphere and space. I have been known to hide from everyone at midnight on New Year’s Eve in the days when I attended New Year’s parties and gatherings. Being kissed and mauled by strangers has never been an appealing thing to me, especially when they have no clue as to who I am, nor would they even if they were smart enough to be sober. And I would not know who the heck was borderline assaulting me, hence the disappearing act at midnight on those auspicious nights. Being by the fire at home, watching the fireworks on television, or from my wonderful warm area where my windows overlook the sea, is balm to my soul more than any gathering outside that of close friends and family.
The year 2008 was just fine at the beginning, for a month or so. Then came a fall on the ice that rendered me useless with pain and muscle soreness which precipitated an attitude that would drive any creature away from me. Then came all sorts of strange little health concerns, all small unto themselves but put them all together and I was someone who would quality for home care or a nursing home. Gone was the Caribbean vacation, as a virus struggled to overwhelm my already tired body. On and on it went in a year which the Queen, after a terrible year, called ‘Annis Horribilis’. I didn’t have a castle burn down as she did but was decidedly in the mood to burn something down.
Spring arrived and even getting my lilies to bloom and my holly bushes finally showing promise of berries didn’t lift the cloud of impending doom. I was ‘done like a dinner’ as the saying goes in Newfoundland. The cycle of misery continued amidst a poor economy and far too much concern on my part about wars and rumors of wars. Nothing I could do about it but I figured the war in Iraq was my personal failure at one point. It was bizarre. I did not know myself or even like myself some days.
Summer of 2008 was unbelievable. For someone who loves the sun, I actually wanted rainy days to suit my miserable mood. And I got them here in Newfoundland and Labrador. Lots and lots of them. Two family weddings were welcome reprieves, the sun shone for the newlyweds, and they were both beautiful, a welcome respite indeed. Of course I managed a few days of fishing and saw glorious sunrises and sunsets, picked blueberries that were rich and plump and filled myself as I filled my bucket. All of that helped me get over starting the Iraq war at least.
Fall, being my favorite season, getting out to pick my beautiful gems of fall, the Partridgeberries, and making use of them in baking was terrific. The colors of the leaves, the amazing hillsides of September and October, the smell of the earth with a carpet of leaves did help somewhat to rid me of the guilt of causing the government of our fair country to be in disarray. I tell you, it was my ‘Annis Horribilis’ and I am quite happy to bid farewell to it and be done with it.
Winter arrived and with it comes the hope of snow, frozen ponds and the skidoo rides to the cabin. I have decided not to feel guilty about wars, floods, disasters and fires. Finally it occurred to me that I am not powerful enough to be instrumental in causing such things worldwide, nor would I ever contemplate doing such things. Also I know I am powerless to stop them. I am now wise enough to know, and have learned, that I can only control so much. Strange enlightenment that was! Only took me sixty years to come to that realization!
Now I’m feeding the birds, planning winter entertainment that I want to enjoy, while waiting for the snowfall that will enable snowmobiling. I also accept that it is also the winter of my life as I pass a milestone birthday, and strangely I accept it rather well, without kicking and screaming at the fates, which was the norm for 2008. At least I am on the ‘right side of the sod’ as a friend laughingly told me. She is so right.
So good-bye 2008, get thee behind me, as far as you possibly can as I move into 2009 with plans for good health, whatever it takes, to get myself back to loving my life, learning new things, developing new skills, and treasuring the gifts I have been given.
Yes indeed, a whole new year ahead of me. I feel blessed to have entered it and for me, and for all of you, may we stay the course and make it the most memorable year of our lives. There will always be challenges, that is called ‘life’, but what an interesting life it is in 2009!
Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." Rabindranath Tagore
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