The ‘tailgate conferences’ are what I call the odd occurrences that take place when a group of men gather around the back of a pickup truck, babble for long periods of time about ‘nothing’, and laugh their heads off occasionally about ‘nothing’. It is a mans’ domain, and there it is of little use for me, or any other woman, to try to join, understand, or explain exactly what the ‘tailgate conference’ means to the participants, but obviously they are of great importance because they take place everywhere.
In our little town a large tailgate conference was taking place at the wharf, and growing as the afternoon wore on. Boats were coming in to tie up and the men would be out of the boats and leaning on the truck in two minutes flat!!
This day the trucks’ owner was a tall man, a gentleman everyone knew, and he was often called ‘Stilt’ because of his great height. Stilt was presiding over the conference around his truck when a fellow named Sammy arrived and joined in. Sammy was quite short in stature, and his head hardly reached the top of the back of the truck. Of course immediately Stilt started to tease him about his lack of height, even going so far as to pick him up and sit him on the side of the truck. Sammy was a pleasant man who was quite used to this, and laughed at it all himself.
"How come you’re so short anyway?" Stilt asked Sammy. The conference crowd laughed and waited for what they knew would be a witty answer. It seemed that one of the requirements of being part of a ‘tailgate conference’ was that you could be witty and make fun of yourself.
"It was me boots!" announced Sammy.
"Now, that is the most foolish excuse I ever heard!" one of the men commented. "What would your boots have to do with your height?"
"Well, it’s like this," explained Sammy, "I had no boots and had to wear me older brudders that was too small for him, so fadder stuck straw in the toes of the boots so I could wear ‘em and not be falling around."
"Yeah, so???" asked Stilt.
"So," says Sammy, "the ‘Calfs’ of me legs went down to me boots, ate the straw, and never did come back up-and that’s why I’m short. Me calfs are gone!"
The tailgate conference was adjourned due to uncontrollable laughter!
Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe
"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." Judith Martin
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