Separation of Mind and Body

   As I slowly awaken from a peaceful nights sleep. I'm aware of the fresh, crisp autumn morning air coming in through the open bedroom window. I get out of bed as silently as possible as not to waken Gail. I grab a pair of jeans, T-shirt and socks. I quietly close the bedroom door and get dressed in the living room. I let the dogs out, grab a glass of juice and I'm out the door. We'll have breakfast together later in our new sunroom when she gets up. The early morning air is so cool and invigorating after the long hot summer. The sun is just starting to peak over the tree line and the dew on the pasture is sparkling in the early morning light. The horses meet me at the pasture gate; I give them hay and spend a few minutes just admiring them. I have so many items on my agenda to do today and I feel great. I try to think of a quiet project I can do that won't wake her. I choose to do some work on my farm tractor. I walk to the barn get my tools and start my day. A short time later I hear Gail in the kitchen preparing our ritual weekend morning tea. I wipe my hands off and go to the house to greet her on this beautiful morning. I give her a kiss; we grab our tea and head out to the sunroom. We just sit there admiring the view, not having to say a word, lost in our thoughts of God's blessing on us to have this time, place and each other.

I open my eyes, another day, I am thankful that I have made it through another night. I realize, that what I was thinking and dreaming of, is of a time never to be experienced like that again. I now have ALS, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, Lou Gehrig’s disease. Saying that aloud is, I assume, like a person in a twelve-step program, standing up, saying "I am an alcoholic." It confirms the fact of a handicap and a disease. I just lay there in the comfort and security of my bed. At the moment, I feel like everything used to and I'm okay! I wish that that day in my dream was today and the present could just be a bad dream. But, then, when I attempt to move, I am assured, it was, just a wonderful dream, a dream memory of days before my illness!

Now, that is not to say I am not aware of all the blessings I do have. On the contrary, I thank God for every day and for all that I am still able to do. He has given me more years than ever expected. I am also blessed to have Gail as my wife and best friend. For my wonderful and loving friends and family. Like Lou Gehrig said in his farewell speech from baseball in 1939.  "I got a bad break, yet today, I consider myself the luckiest guy on the face of the earth"! I realized that we had something else in common too, when he said "When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed, that's the finest I know"!                
 
                                                                        Meeting Lou

When I look back, I realize that I have heard about Lou for as long as I can remember. He is known worldwide and getting more attention every year. No one thinks about him much, until they or someone they know or love meets him. I had never really given much thought to him either. That is until in July of ninety-eight. That is when it was confirmed, I had fallen victim to Lou, Lou Gehrig and his terrible, disabling death sentence disease, ALS, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. It is a disease that takes your muscles, voice, mobility, pride, dignity and eventually your life.

Gail and I had gone to MCV to get the results of my many tests taken there. We met with Doctor Leshner, head of the neurology department and he did the introduction to Lou and what he had in store for us. He stated there is no cure or way of slowing it, that he could only help me control the symptoms. He hinted about six months and getting our affairs in order. He gave us his home number to call day or night if we needed help of any kind. Gail and I walked out of his office in a daze. I don't remember us saying much to each other in the car on the way home. We were just handed my death sentence and Gail's life and our life would never be the same again.

When we got home, we hugged, cried and tried to make sense of it all. So much life changing news in so few words. I could hear his words playing over and over in my head. Lou Gehrig, no cure, six months, feeding tube, ventilator, paralysis ~ paralysis, my greatest fear! The next few weeks were just a blur to me. I just know when I finally accepted my prognosis and my limited options, I was ready to fight, and I would not fold! I would not leave Gail, Chris, John and the rest of my family and friends without putting up a good and noble fight. I do believe in the power of Faith and of the mind over illness and adversity. This is my disease, my battle! So, with the strength from God, the love, prayers and support of my family and friends I'm giving Lou a damn good fight and I will until my last breath!

"Our greatest danger in life is in permitting the urgent things to crowd out the important."         Charles E. Hummel

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