When I was a kid, my
mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember
one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at
work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and
extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if
anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom
and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... A burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things.. And imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE
that you had won the following prize in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.
The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from
You may not simply transfer money into some other account. You may only
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another
$86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,
Its over, the game is over!
It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right?
Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right?
Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all
on yourself, right?
You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?
ACTUALLY, this GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when
to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars?
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life!
Here's wishing you a wonderfully beautiful day!!!
“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
William S. Burroughs
“Men are generally more careful of the breed of their horses and dogs than of their children.” William Penn
"It's not who gets there first that matters, rather it is getting there that matters first." Joshua C.O. Ejim
"You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind." Irish Proverb
A young boy enters a
barber shop and the
barber whispers to his customer:
'This the dumbest kid in the world. Watch
while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand
and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks,
'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber.
'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he
sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store and says ;
'Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of
the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied:
'Because the day I take the dollar,
the game's over!'
Jill and John got married. John
thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal
partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill
breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it.
"Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love, enjoy!"
Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."
The Japanese eat very little
fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
An old nun who was living in a
convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers
and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers asked why.
The worker yelled "his wife is here with his lunch".
The following poster was introduced around 1919 (just before prohibition started) and.................................
Look at those beauties again...
It's no wonder MEN kept drinking is it?
It was Christmas and the judge
was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged
with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
There's this guy who shows up at
a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear. Only he shows up without
The other hunters are very curious. "How you gonna get a bear without a gun?" they ask.
"Do you have a knife?"
"No," says the guy.
"Do you have a club?"
"No," says the guy.
"Don't you worry. I'm gonna get myself a bear. Just wait right here and see."
The guy leaves the cabin and disappears into the hills for several hours.
Eventually he happens upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicks the bear and gets it really angry. As the bear wakes up, he starts to chase after the guy, so the guy starts running back towards the cabin.
Finally the hunters hear him running down the hill and yelling, "Open the cabin door! Open the door!"
They open the door and the guy runs into the cabin and holds the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, an angry bear follows close behind, running into the cabin, too.
Then the guy slams the door shut, and says, "You skin that one. I'll go get another."
A man was walking in the street
when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick
will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell
right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where were you when I got married?"
The Winner At The Dog Obedience School
Two men are sitting drinking at a
bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the
other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top
of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the
building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the hell," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
Of course everybody has seen this mountain
but have you ever wondered what is in the back of it ?
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud:
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top... I
bet you can't resist passing it on!
A teacher is explaining biology
to her 4th grade students.
'Human Beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
Asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we
Knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, and went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before he could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate
The teacher wet her pants laughing.
This is a fairy tale that should
be read to all girls when they are little!
Once upon a time in a land far away, there lived a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess.
She happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:
"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle
With my mother, where you can prepare my meals,
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
And forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
She chuckled and thought to herself: I don't think so!!
© ALS Independence 2003-12